What people think of you is just a story you tell yourself.

Fear of judgment is really just self-judgment.

When you’re a brand new entrepreneur, it’s really easy to feel afraid of what people will think of you. You’re stepping out of the 9-5 norm, and it’s common for people to judge what they don’t understand.

But what if I told you that your fear of being judged actually comes from you judging yourself?

This was one of the most game-changing lessons I’ve learned.

For the first 28 years of my life, my self-esteem was fragile. All you’d have to do to ruin my month was tell me that I was needy or looked chubby. I was afraid of being perceived as these things because deep down, I believed them.

It wasn’t until many years later on a Thursday afternoon in March, sitting in my therapist’s office, that I learned this truth about myself. She said something that I’ve kept with me since that day:

“We often worry that other people are judging us for the things we don’t like about ourselves.
But, in reality, the most judgmental critic we face is the voice in our own head.”

Bingo.

It’s been over a year since that cold March afternoon, and I still remind myself of those words almost every day.

It feels a lot better to just assume that people are nice. Here’s how.

I saw a video on Instagram that echoed this same message, and it felt like a sign that I should share what I’ve learned.

In the video, someone asked, “How are some of y’all going around, living life, not caring what other people think of you?” The response was spot-on:

I hope whoever is reading this will read that again. It might take a few reps for your stubborn brain to accept it.

I realized that my fear of judgment came from my own self-judgment. What I thought others were thinking about me was really just my inner voice talking.

Don’t get me wrong; I still struggle sometimes with caring about what people think. But I’ve learned how to check myself.

For example, I published an article last week about my fears around having kids. The first comments I received were harsh, suggesting that I shouldn’t have kids if I had these “selfish” worries. Those comments hurt, and I went to bed that night feeling anxious, wondering if they were right.

But instead of spiralling into self pity, I paused and asked myself,

“Is this something I truly believe this person is judging me for, or am I projecting my insecurities onto them?”

The truth is, those strangers who left comments don’t know who I am or what I’m capable of. I can choose to let go of their judgment and focus on what really matters—my own journey and growth.

The stories I tell myself are more than just thoughts—they change how I see my life. So, if something makes me feel unhappy, I’m probably telling myself an unhappy story.

You can either ask questions or tell stories.

The stories we tell ourselves can either empower us or imprison us. When you assume that someone is judging you and realize that it’s actually just you judging yourself, you see it for what it is: a story you’re telling yourself.

If there’s some part of my life that I’m not happy about, I can either tell myself stories (excuses) or I can ask questions to learn how to change.

The absolute best thing I’ve ever done for myself was learning how to take responsibility for my life. There is nothing about my life that is “because of” anyone else.

Everything from my physique, my business, and even my thoughts and judgments are are a result of my actions. My life is a reflection of the actions I take.

So, if you worry about what other people think, take a moment to question your thoughts. Are they based on reality, or are you creating a story that feeds your insecurities and keeps you stuck in them?

Ask yourself:

• “Is this judgment really coming from them, or is it my own fear of failure?”

• “What questions can I ask to keep taking the next step in my business instead of jumping to conclusions?”

The stories you choose to tell yourself shape the outcomes of your life.

As you roll with life’s punches, ask questions and focus on what you think of you—and you’ll find the freedom to build a life that you’re truly proud to live. You are the author of your success story.