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Do you use money, or does it use you?
3 actions to feel more joy and peace.
Kelsey Schaefer
June 21, 2024
“We all feel overwhelmed by money — just in different ways.”
By understanding exactly what kind of relationship you’re in with your money, you can transform your financial life and feel more joy and peace.
This newsletter is about the lessons I’m learning by reading the bestseller "Happy Money" by Ken Honda — the zen millionaire and personal development guru who’s been studying money’s effects on us for over a decade.
Keep reading if you want to transform money stress into money happiness.
If you’re on this journey of trying to create financial freedom for yourself — it’s worth understanding why you have the money motivations that you do.
Honda has interviewed thousands of people and found that both the rich and the poor express similar worries, and almost everyone feels overwhelmed by money. But for different reasons.
Here are some of Honda’s observations:
The super rich…
- don’t worry so much about money at the moment, but about the future
- admit they’re afraid their success won’t last forever
- have seen many people who failed and lost it all
- worry about their kids being able to handle money prudently
The middle class…
- biggest frustration is the demand for their money is often larger than their income
- have to save for their kids’ education, and worry they won’t have enough money for a comfortable retirement
- are always pressed for time, spending most of it working for or worrying about money
The lower middle class…
- often feel like they’re being taken advantage of: someone is always trying to get something for nothing from them
- tend to be very skeptical
- don’t think that rich people who hire them realize their sacrifices and how hard they work
The financially-challenged or poor…
- are struggling to just get by
- money is often foreign to them because they’re far removed from it
- will often say things like “I’d like to have those rich-people problems.”
Regardless of our situation and financial status in life, we all are affected by money.
And how we react to our situation can make us happy or unhappy.
No one is born with an opinion on money — it’s something we learn from the people around us. Here is the common timeline Honda has noticed in most people’s money relationship development.
Age | Behaviour |
|---|---|
5 | We start playing with a variety of other kids, noticing that they have things we don’t have. |
6-7 | We start noticing our parents saying things like “There’s not enough money.” |
10 | We learn where our parents rank in society — noticing how their houses, cars, and clothes compare to our friends’ parents. |
15 | Most of us have already become slaves to money, and it affects our relationships as we start to date. |
18 | We’re trained to believe that we should work hard to get into a good university to get a better job, and then earn as much money as possible. |
30s | We climb and climb and only begin to notice that something’s wrong when we’re neck-deep in our mortgages, car loans, student loans, and credit card balances. |
40s | Our children want to go to the best universities, and suddenly dreaming about a two-week vacation brings more anxiety than pleasure. |
Most of us have been brainwashed into believing that having money means having a better life with more love.
We fail to notice that as we climb this ladder, hoping to achieve more in our lives, we actually have much less.
When you earn and spend money, you do it with either love or fear.
Most of us are told that our parents love us, but their methods of love might have been expressed more like fear. Their anxiety about money prevented them from trying new things. Their worry about money prevented them from letting us take chances in our careers or relationships.
We’re afraid of money all the time. We’re afraid that we may not have enough of it for a rainy day, or that we may lose it, or that others have more of it than we do—and if they get more, there will be less for us.
We’re afraid of being scammed, or that we’re spending too much, or that if we buy one thing, we won’t have enough for something else later.
Many of us let fear creep into our decisions without even realizing it. We carry those fears with us into adulthood without recognizing how much fear is attached to our actions with money.
The opposite of fear is love. Fear looks, sounds, and feels like control. Love, on the other hand, feels like the opposite. It’s unconditional acceptance. It’s a willingness to trust that things will work out. It feels like letting go.
Love feels a lot like just “being” in the moment—no anger about the past, no worries about the future. You’re grateful to be here now—and where there is gratitude, there is happiness.
It’s hard for a lot of us to imagine what it looks like to have a worry-free relationship with money. But let’s imagine it for a second.
People who live “in love” with money are doing what they love and make enough money. They often say “I have enough.” They may not be rich, but they truly have everything they need.
When they go to a restaurant or shop, they choose based on preference—not price. That doesn’t mean they always buy the expensive stuff. They are just choosy.
They don’t need to buy expensive or brand-name things, because they’re not looking to others for external validation. They are already happy with themselves, who they are, and what they want to be.
They hang around with people they like, not people they are trying to impress. They have good relationships and can spend quality time with those they love because they’re not exhausting themselves to make a few extra dollars.
And though sometimes they feel money stress, they tell themselves, “This happens sometimes, and I’m always able to get through it. It will all work out.”
They know how to let go of stress and not control things out of fear of what could go wrong.
Ultimately, these people choose how to approach money. They are deliberate in the response and reaction to it. They are zen.
And we can all choose our approach to money, to our life.
How? It begins with gratitude.
Practice Gratitude: Begin by being grateful for what you have. Shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance.
Write down three things that you’re grateful for every single day.
When money comes in, say, "Thank you."
When money leaves, say, "Thank you" for how the money served you and what it’s bringing to you now.
Whatever happens, you can say thank you. “Thank you” is a powerful phrase that will help you start to transform your relationship with money. The more you do this, the less stress you’ll have and the more happiness will flow through you—and your money.
Be Deliberate with Your Money: Make conscious choices about how you earn, save, and spend your money. Focus on what truly brings you joy.
Choose restaurants and purchases based on preference, not price.
Spend on experiences and items that genuinely add value to your life.
Being deliberate means prioritizing your values and desires over societal expectations. It helps you avoid unnecessary stress and makes your financial decisions more fulfilling and meaningful.
Create a Positive Money Environment: Surround yourself with people who have a healthy relationship with money. Learn from their habits and attitudes.
Seek out mentors and friends who view money with gratitude.
Avoid negative people that complain about money.
Educate yourself by reading books like Happy Money or Secrets of the Millionaire Mind.
Positive influences reinforce positive attitudes. Learning from people who are where you want to be financially will help you develop the mindset and habits to get you there.
If you don’t gain awareness about the extent to which money is influencing your decisions, it’s impossible to break free from money’s grip over you.
In order to release this grip, you need to understand how exactly you approach money.
And there are only two approaches you can take: you can either use your money well or allow your money to use you.
If you’re committed to the journey of…
growing every day
to become your ideal self
and making this life an exciting adventure
through business, fitness, and relationships
join other inspired idiots like you!
There may or may not be TWO hidden logos this week…
